#Keepingitreal: This is a question that bubbles up a lot for me.
Because of my huge heart and the way I feel compelled to share it, I'm often left feeling like I'm standing with the bag in my hand...like I give and give and people don't respond in kind.
Here's the thing: it's not about reciprocity. Yes, balance in relationships is important, and give and take is key. But are you SURE that someone's not reciprocating?
What the hell am I talking about? Love language. Everyone has their own way of showing love. Just because you don't receive it in the same way you give it, doesn't mean that someone's not giving it to you in the way that they know how to give and appreciate love.
And there's no "better" or "worse" language - this isn't about judgment. For example: I'm excellent with words, with expressing my emotions, with being in touch with my feelings, and being immediately responsive to the people in my life I care about. Which creates two common problems that come up for me:
1. I feel really guilty when I get too busy to respond right away to a loved one (even if they never see it as big a deal as I do); and
2. I feel really neglected, sad, lonely, and meaningless when I reach out and get a deafening void of silence. Truly. My overthinking mind wonders what the fuck they could be doing that I'm not IMPORTANT enough to text back. (What this says about my only child-ness, my youth, my attachment issues...I'm sure Freud would have a field day with...)
I'm working on that.
What's important here is that we respect where the other person is coming from: maybe they're showing you love in the best way they know how and you're completely failing to recognize that. For example, my girlfriend Desiree's primary love language is acts of service. Which basically boils down to the little things she does (that I tend to overlook). Do I care if my laundry is done? Only if I can't find a shirt to wear. Otherwise it gets done when it gets done (i.e. When Desiree does the laundry). Which I admittedly take for granted much of the time (I'm working on that too). But recognizing that Desiree is doing that mundane task out of love (aside, of course, from practicality), showing appreciation for that, and making sure I show her love by doing the things she doesn't like to do (food shopping, meal prep, etc), is showing her in her love language how much I care.
So how do you know what love language you speak to communicate better with your loved ones? Easy! Go here and take this quiz, and ask your loved ones to do the same:
What's yours? Tag and comment below!
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