Do you ever indulge that negative feed that plays relentlessly in your head? That tells you all the things wrong with you?
I've spent a lot of time in the last few years blocking, deleting and replacing that feed from my thoughts with positive, self-loving, and encouraging ones. I am more proud of the emotional transformation I have made than the physical one.
Yet, sometimes it still kicks in without warning.
When my Popi passed and we were clearing out his house, I came across LOADS of pictures of me at various stages of my life - some framed and displayed, some simply taped to walls, some in albums. My heart was so full of gratitude and the simple joy that comes with the connection of loving and being loved. And seeing it everywhere.
And then I stumbled upon this picture taped to the kitchen cabinet. I immediately grimaced and felt my heart sink. Here was a girl who was so uncomfortable in her own skin that she picked everything about herself apart. Without even thinking it, I felt and relived that energy. I judged my 13 year old self for being "awkward" and "pudgy," with "bad hair..." The list goes on. To think I've come ALL THIS WAY in learning how to be in touch with and embrace who I really am, love myself, evolve...and then poof: seeing this picture brought me right back to that negative self-destructive tape that plays in my mind if I let it.
But here it was, THIS picture out of all the much "better" ones of me all over the house, in the space Popi spent most of his time. He didn't see what I saw. He saw me through the lens of unconditional love. This was just a picture of his granddaughter, someone he adored.
THAT is how we need to see ourselves. Stop picking apart your hair. Stop living in your awkward teenage nightmares. Catch yourself, breathe, and remember how the people who love you the most see you. Love yourself that much. Because the person you were then was needed to become the person you are now. Embrace it as part of your journey, and be proud of where you're at. I say this to you as I say it to myself. We could all use that pep talk every once in a while ;)
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