This isn't your typical before picture. Yes, I look miserable, but it's not because I was at my heaviest, disgusted with myself and needing a change.
Don't get me wrong, that IS how I felt when I finally decided to take this leap and get going on "the new me."
No, this picture was taken a few weeks into my first program. I was scrolling through the photos I've taken throughout my weight loss/life journey and this one just grabbed my heart and made me feel HEAVY. And I don't mean "heavy" as in "fat" or "overweight"...more like heavy-hearted. In this picture I was near tears because I felt like I was doing all of the right things and nothing was changing. I was waking up at 5:15 every morning, working out, going off to litigate in family court, fighting for what I thought was right, losing most of the time one way or another, and not returning home until 9pm or later. I was diligently planning and preparing my meals. I was not even THINKING about cheating. But I just couldn't see the results. I still looked the same.
But THIS was my turning point. Every other time I had tried and failed at losing weight bubbled up and gave me the same excuse pattern and the all-too-familiar feeling of giving up again. As I welled up with frustration, self-doubt and disappointment, I reached out to the support group I had recently joined on Facebook. I posted this picture and wrote about what I was feeling: how I didn't see any difference and was wasting my time, how I was destined to fail anyway, and wanted to give up and throw in the towel.
I tried to throw my own pity party and invited everyone to RSVP.
Then something happened that made it different than any other time I started and failed. All of these women I barely knew commented that I was inspiring them with my daily sweaty selfies and meal pics. How I was making THEM want to stick to the plan. How THEY could see a difference in me and they saw a strong woman sticking to it and kicking ass. That they BELIEVED in me.
So instead of throwing in the towel and giving up, this time I kept going. I did it for the women who lifted me up, because I didn't want to let them down. And then I started seeing results. I started doing it for ME. I started BELIEVING in myself: that I am STRONG and POWERFUL and capable of overcoming any obstacle in my path. And then I started helping others do the same.
At that moment in time, I was the most courageous I have ever been. A seed was planted, and from it a whole tribe of fearless women grew. And that is why we call ourselves the #fearlesseagles.
The rest, as they say, is history.
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